C: Is your air plant still alive?
J: The air plant is still alive.
C: Are you sure it’s alive? Have you fed it?
J: I thought all I had to do was water it? It still looks alive. It travels with me, but I haven’t named it yet.
C: You have to feed it every other day. It eats crawdads, but might be interested in burritos.
J: Seriously?! ……..air plant is dead.
C: You killed it already? Why did you kill the air plant? That’s airplanticide!
J: It shouldn’t have come between me and burritos.
C: I thought you two could bond over burritos. 😦
J: You thought wrong. I have burrito aggression. Oh god. What have I done!?!? Don’t shake a plant! Burritos have turned me into a monster. Tacos are a gateway food! Tell the children so they don’t make the same mistakes! Mankind must learn to coexist with air plants.