Peyton, please forgive me

K=female cousin

M=male cousin

M: How do I immediately send a contribution to the Adam Kwasman campaign?

K: Send it ℅ The Frightened Migrant Children.

M: I’ll just send it to the Oracle YMCA.

K: Gotta give the guy credit for using the word “abrogation” correctly, though. He’s no Sarah Palin Tea Partier.

C: Isn’t the YMCA just a cover for bringing more illegal immigrants into our country as part of Obummer’s plot to take over ‘Merica, and his wife getting us to exercise by saying ‘Let’s move‘?

K: Yes, that and to make us all Muslim.

C: Oh, right. That too. Personally, I’d like my first government-issued prayer rug to come in Tea Partier red.

M: I can’t wait for my Rush Limbaugh Rosary®.

C: A Rush Limbaugh Rosary® is the stuff of nightmares. Tons of tiny Rush heads…*shudder*

M: You know those prayer rugs would be sponsored by our friends at Papa John’s, the official pizza sponsor of Christian America, Inc.

K: Worst pizza on the planet. My transplanted-to-Chicago friends love it and are so sad it’s hard to get here. What is WRONG with these people?

M: “For your penance, you must say three Hail Hannity’s and an Our Father Beck.”

C: Even though Manning shleps for Papa John’s, I just can’t with that. Then again, not a fan of Chicago deep dish, but I’ve been told I haven’t had it right.

M: That’s what she said.

K: Those Manning Papa John’s ads are the WORST.

C: “Christian God, grant me the tastebuds to eat this pizza, courage for the bathroom time later, and wisdom to never again.”

M: If that kind of bathroom time requires courage, you can call me Braveheart.

K: Better bring your Rush Rosary® in there.

C: Well that’s gonna require some awkward explanations about the streaks of blue in the bathroom. I’ll be praying on my BoehnerOrange(™) prayer rug.

K: His skin color doesn’t exist in nature.

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