C: I just learned turquoise is my birthstone. I think I need a beaded turquoise headdress. And necklace, earrings, and belt buckle.
Bert: You totally do! But I thought December was the ruby. And then you could have slippers!
C: There’s two options for December, but neither one is the ruby. Can I still have the slippers? And shaped like they’re eating my feet? Like shark slippers?
Bert: Ummmmm…ok. If that makes you happy.
C: I’m getting socks like that for my mom for Christmas for my mom. Only ducks.
Bert: I have socks like that, only fish. I’m always sad they’re not cuttlefish.
C: You know that song Close to You by the Carpenters. If they changed the lyrics from birds to anything else, it would be weird. “Why do cuttlefish suddenly appear every time you are near?” is creepy.
Bert: Why do elk suddenly appear every time you are near? …Oh man, this is gonna be my new favorite game!
C: Why do squirrels suddenly appear…
Bert: Why do seahorses suddenly appear… Why do thumb drives suddenly appear…
C: And not just animals! Why do lawyers suddenly appear…
Bert: Why do restraining orders suddenly appear…
C: Why do Kardashians suddenly appear…
Bert: NOOO!!!! Why do Hondas suddenly appear…
C: Because my anaconda don’t want none unless you drive a sensible Honda, hon.
Bert: I’m hiding from being an adult right now. I took an early and very long lunch.
C: Why do burritos suddenly appear? Actually, then you’d be MY BEST FRIEND EVER!
Bert: That. Would. Be. Amazing. My anaconda don’t want none unless you got Betty White, son.
C: Why does Betty White suddenly appear every time you are near? Because Betty White is awesome.
Bert: I need that on a tee shirt. And also to be true.