C: I got a jury duty summons.
J: What?!?! You have a jury duty?! Goddamn it. Everyone gets one but me! We have to talk. There are things you need to know.
C: Yes. Like date, time, and location.
J: No. Like someone’s life might hang in the balance. Call ME!!!
C: Is possible, but yh
Ahhh, high new phibe
Ahhhhh, new phone!!!
J: Things you need to know!
[J calls me]
“I can’t believe you got jury duty. I’ve NEVER been called up for jury duty!”
“I know! But you should know that jurors in Colorado can ask witnesses questions.”
“So I could ask a witness something like, ‘Excuse me, I wanted to know, what do you think about the remake of Alice in Wonderland?”
“C, this is serious! Someone’s life could depend on you! You could change the outcome!”
“You probably would have changed the outcome of so many decisions had you been on the jury.”
“I KNOW! So many… Why don’t they ever ask me to be on a jury?”
“I don’t know.”
“The Make-a-Wish foundation doesn’t grant wishes for grown-ups.”
“WHAT?! Why not?!”
“Because…you’re a grown up. And everyone dies.”
“But what about my dying wish to be on a jury?”
“You’ll have to do something else. Make-a-Wish only grants wishes for sick children.”
“DAMMIT. I’ll never get to be on a jury. Maybe I can go in your place?”
“I guess… You could tell them I’m going through a gender transition, which explains why my registration says female but I look like you.”
“Do you think that will work?!”
“Well, I doubt Rifle is very open-minded about transgendered people, so…”
“Rifle? Like where that gun restaurant is?”
“Yeah… If they think I’m transgendered, they probably won’t pick me for that reason. Ugh!”
“Well, I think I’m going to go. I’ll be trying out for the role of Juror #8.”
“C, this is SERIOUS. It’s an important role in our justice system! It’s not an audition.”
“Yeah, I’m taking it seriously. And I get to try out and you don’t.”