We Need A Boat


Rough idea of the kind of boat we might want.

J: We need a boat.

C: We need a motherfucking boat. And some flippy flops. And sunny shades.

J: We’re not going to sell pizza on a boat, but we are going to play Johnny Appleseed.

C: Sandwiches!

J: Maybe. I might be ok with that. I just think it’s dangerous making wages off food with my tummy nearby.

C: Good point. Could be a financial loss scenario.

J: Though if we’re in international waters, we could sell drugs and black market stuff.

C: True…

J: We’ll need guns and stuff. Maybe trained sharks.

C: Agreed. Think you can learn to work with sharks?

J: I’m brave. We’ll need to keep them in a cage underwater so they can still go swimming.

C: We, uh…we keep THEM in a cage? You are brave.

J: We keep them under the boat and release them to attack.

C: I’m not sure you totally know how sharks work…

J: I’m keeping them in the water.

C: Yeah, but they need to move around.

J: The boat is moving; they just have to move with it. We punch a hole in the pirate ships and release the sharks. We just have to make sure we don’t sink too… that wouldn’t be good.

C: I’m not sure if I like the idea of keeping sharks caged. That seems mean.

J: Says the lady with the pet.  :/  They are still in the ocean.

C: Sheba’s not in a cage though! And it’s different taking wild animals and caging them.

J: You let her in and out of the “house”; we’ll do the same with the sharks.

C: It’s not enough room for them.

pirate ship

We probably won’t actually see pirates like this.

J: It’s the whole ocean! Via our boat..

C: They can’t roam or hunt though.

J: Sure they can…when we sic them on pirates.

C: Sigh. I see we’re not going to agree on this…

J: You’ll agree as soon as pirates attack us the first time.

C: I don’t see how the sharks will keep us safe from pirates! Especially if we’re the ones doing the attacking!


This one looks like he’s been domesticated…

J: You’re basically arguing against domesticating the wolf. I think we know who won that argument eventually. Sharks eat pirates.

C: I don’t think we’re going to successfully domesticate sharks.

J: I’m not trying to domesticate. Just train them a little and sic them on pirates.

C: I just don’t think that’s realistic.

J: How dare you accuse me of not being realistic! Next you’re going to suggest my idea to attach a hot air balloon to the boat isn’t “practical.” I mean, correct me if I’m wrong here, but didn’t you keep gerbils in cages? Are you also against keeping birds in cages?

C: They were free-range gerbils! And I didn’t take them out of the wild and cage them. And yes, against birds in cages.

J: Watch Hitchcock’s The Birds and then maybe you’ll feel differently about birds in cages.

C: That movie scared me!

J: If it’s not aliens or zombies, but birds that attack and kill all of us, honestly I’m going to feel like that was a little anti-climactic. But this is also why double-paned windows are a must.

C: It will be gerbils!

J: Still anti-climactic. ‘Oh no! The bloodthirsty gerbils! Whatever shall we do?!’ …wait 24 hours and they’ll die of dehydration… What?! No he didn’t!
Are you mad I made a gerbil death joke? I swear, I didn’t mean to kill that gerbil. It was an accident. I thought it could be funneh by now.

C: 😡


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