On Wednesdays, we burrito

C: On Wednesdays, we burrito. Did you burrito ?

J: I did not burrito yesterday. You cannot make me be a veggie! Take your soylent green somewhere else, sister! I have character and sand. My values and morals do not change with the wind. I cannot be bought off with a burrito.
rabble rabble rabble

C: You could have at least tried it. Sheesh.

You have character and sand? What does that even mean? I have sand too, but it’s in my sand jar and some in a ziplock baggie, and it’s not anything I brag about. Maybe you need to get that sand out of your vag, then you wouldn’t be such a cranky-pants.
Maybe you can’t be bought off with a burrito, but I know you can be bought off with two or more burritos.
Besides, it if was soylent green, I wouldn’t be making you a veggie. You’d still be eating meat–granted, it’d be people, but it’s still meat.
I secretly want to actually make you a cannibal. Or at least a little bit of a nibbling cannibal…

J: Two or more burritos is a different story. Every man has a weakness and ALL soy is people! It’s PEOPLE, Claudia, PEOPLE!!!

C: I know your weakness.
I AM TRYING TO MAKE YOU A NIBBLING CANNIBAL!
And soy is not people. Stop being so melodramatic.

J: “Soy” is short for SOYLENT GREEN. They SAY they grow it but do you know WHAT they grow it FROM?
PEOPLE!

C: Do you know what they grow melodramatic from? MELLOS! As in MARSHMELLOWS! You know who has to work the marshmallow fields? PEEPs. And because it’s hot, they melt in the sun and die. YOU ARE KILLING PEEPS EVERYTIME YOU GET ALL MELODRAMATIC ABOUT SOY. Why do you want to kill peeps?!?! WON’T SOMEONE THINK OF THE PEEPS!

J: I make sure i buy my marshmallows from free range peep farms.

C: But how do you know the peeps are being paid a living wage? They need to survive and raise their peep families somehow, and being paid less than minimum wage just widens the income gap between peeps.
Go peep yourself!

 

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