C: I might even rewatch The Big Lebowski
J: Oh good. Keep at it and you you’ll only be a decade behind pop culture.
C: Thanks. Your endless support is invaluable. And I’m going to see the Hungry Hungry Hippo Games tomorrow.
J: Hunger Games is lame.
C: You’re lame!
J: I watched it online; it’s lame.
C: That’s even lamer. I’m still going to watch it.
J: I didn’t say you shouldn’t, I’m just trying to save you money and a couple hours of your life.
C: I want to see it.
J: Correction: You think you want to see it. You are only going to be disappointed.
C: I don’t have high expectations. Also, I know how it ends. I only wish there were spoilers for NFL games.
J: You know the ending?
C: Yes. Her sister dies. She kills Coin.
J: There are spoilers for every sporting event. It’s called not watching it live.
C: Then I guess I’m glad we beat the Patriots?!
J: Spoiler: The solution is to have “elections” to solve the problems, as though the same goobers who needed a young girl to tell them the hungry games were ducked up aren’t also going to make a mess of elections.
C: Does she ever get a sandwich at the end? Is she still hungry?
J: …also, the this is the young girl who is, at the end of the movie is still learning how much she doesn’t know, yet is allowed to go around killing people over obvious bad guy moves like killing innocent babies and children, but isn’t expected to take a leadership role herself. Instead, she’s expected to blindly trust yet another stranger to do an unspecified job for her, literally repeating the same mistakes made twice now in the main plot, but I guess it’s ok, because there aren’t innocent children killing children, overtly, right before the ending credits. The big idea to restore faith and order after winning the revolution? Another ducking hunger games.
C: Her and Peeta marry and have kids!
J: Omg, such a girl detail to add.
C: Maybe you missed the memo. I’m a girl. Shhhhhh.
J: Did I mention the water monsters and how they swarm the team in battle.
C: You did not.
J: There is a scene where she stabs a water monster with an arrow, only it doesn’t explode on her. Guess she was lucky it was a dud and didn’t think to bring any other weapon to fight with other than her freaking bow and arrow? …evil lady had people on the inside to fake an attack by the enemy and have her own troops right at the doorstep BUT she needed someone else to assassinate him instead with a weapon with limited range? C’mon.
C: But, but….she’s an archer.
J: Also, she’s walking around with explosive arrows. They act like it’s no big deal, but it’s a BFD when you’re the one with explosives on your back. I mean, they had airships with bombs, but they went with the bow and arrow. And the enemy has super tech everywhere, but no anti-air?
C: This is why I don’t watch these movies with you.
J: It’s not me, it’s the movie! My standards are objective. You can’t go back in time and save yourself!
C: And you’re still mad about me not watching Star Trek with you. But Harry did go back and save himself!
J: New Harry Potter book: Voldemort goes back in time and creates a new horcrux right before Harry kills him, allowing him to survive and and seek revenge. Same logic for Voldemort saving himself as Harry Potter saving himself. There’s a reason why it bugs me so much and it’s not just because I’m an asshole.
C: I’m pretty sure it’s definitely partly because you’re an asshole. It’s Harry Potter. He is the boy who needs to live.