On the campaign trail


One tough cookie. The biscotti this country needs.

C: My campaign slogan: One tough cookie. This cookie don’t crumble. Claudia: The Biscotti This Country Needs.

J: Are you running for election? One tough cookie is my campaign slogan. You steal my thunder.

C: It’s MY slogan. I’M the tough cookie!

J: Beware those who would mess with the Stini! I will dunk you in milk!

C: I will soak you in coffee!

J: Says the candidate beholden to “big coffee.” I want strong, healthy bones for my town. My opponent wants you all jittery. I think the choice is clear. Support American milk and not foreign governments’ coffee beans. It’s time to put America first!

C: Folks, my opponent doesn’t support American-grown Kona from Hawaii, nor does he understand the economic impact coffee has on the breakfast and dessert industries. He also doesn’t grasp the decline in productivity and efficiency that would happen in offices around this country. The best part of waking up is freedom to choose! Not to have the government tell you what you can and cannot drink!

J: If my opponent wants to drink coffee and support terrorism, that’s her choice. The stain on our flag and on our teeth is, evidently, a small price to pay for my opponent’s political ambition.
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We Need A Boat


Rough idea of the kind of boat we might want.

J: We need a boat.

C: We need a motherfucking boat. And some flippy flops. And sunny shades.

J: We’re not going to sell pizza on a boat, but we are going to play Johnny Appleseed.

C: Sandwiches!

J: Maybe. I might be ok with that. I just think it’s dangerous making wages off food with my tummy nearby.

C: Good point. Could be a financial loss scenario.

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Tesla test drives & gerbils

Hotel Jerome


I sat on the turn-of-the-century couch, placed the carrying case with my gerbil in it down the ottoman, picked up a local news magazine, and began reading. Next to me, my older brother, David, eagerly read his phone, periodically quoting from the articles he was browsing. “Of note,’” he began, “‘during validation of Model S roof crush protection at an independent commercial facility, the testing machine failed at just above 4 g’s.’ That means…” and he skimmed to get to the good part, “is, quote ‘that at least four additional fully loaded Model S vehicles could be placed on top of an owner’s car without the roof caving in.’ Dude, the Tesla broke the testing machine!”

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On Friends and Rodents

As an adult, I do grown-up things like go to work daily, keep up with current events, drink wine with friends, keep up with my family, worry about my credit rating and 401K. All sorts of normal, responsible, adult things.

I also have a gerbil. In fact, this is the sixth gerbil I’ve had in my adult life. I’ve also had four hamsters, three mice,  fostered a rat for about two weeks, and provided a place to sleep for a wild mouse one night (it was VERY cold outside).

In short, I like rodents. I care for them, give them a large home, toys, good food, and medicine when they need it. I have them long enough to get attached, and then they die.
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